This Friday is National Caregivers Day and it would be my Mom’s 95th birthday.

Caring for parents as they age is a role I felt unprepared for.

It turns out my girlfriends all feel the same way.

Watching parents age and their passing away is a part of midlife I hadn’t anticipated or prepared for.

It’s not only having to step in and run many aspects of their lives.

It’s also the intense grief of watching them slowly slip away physically and mentally. 

There can also be resentment and feeling overwhelmed by having to take on such a big responsibility.

It feels like a topic that we need to talk about more openly.

My brother and I hosted a dinner party for our extended family after our Mom’s memorial service.  

We went around the table and my uncle said, “None of us will ever understand or appreciate what Elaine has been through in the past nine months with her Mom.”  

It brought tears to my eyes.  He was right.  

My Mom’s post-stroke dementia was a roller coaster ride of emotions.  She would cry and be so confused.  

It was heartbreaking.

I’d often drive home in tears.

In that moment my uncle acknowledged how hard caregiving can be.  

He deeply appreciated what I had done for my Mom, his sister.

In this caregiving journey, I learned to surrender and told myself to love what is.⁠

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To not try to change where I was in this stage of life or wish it was any different.⁠

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Simply love what is right now, at this moment.⁠

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I learned to love that I had one more opportunity to hear her voice, laugh with her, hold her hand, kiss her cheek, tell her I love her, or go for a walk. ⁠

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That season of life with her was so beautiful and so brutal all at once.⁠ 

I talk about it in this Instagram post.

I see my girlfriends caring for both a young child and an aging parent, caring for parents who live halfway around the world, and caring for a parent with cancer.

Caregiving can be both joyful and rewarding, but it can also feel overwhelming and lonely.  

As our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles are living longer, it means they’re often living with chronic diseases.

The question becomes, are people living longer or are they dying longer?

Having spent years in a caregiver role to both of my parents, I often wonder how we can afford this and who will provide the necessary care.

That’s a topic I’ll discuss next week.

Today I want to acknowledge those of you who day in and day out show up to care for others. 

You answer the late-night phone call, you drop everything to help out with grandchildren, you fly around the world to help out family members in crisis, you sit with a parent as they receive chemo, and everything in between.

I was talking with a girlfriend who is dealing with some health challenges.

I reminded her how much she’s been through in the past five years raising a teenager, losing her Dad suddenly, and embarking on a new career.

If you’re juggling your own life and caregiving, I hope you’ll acknowledge that it’s stressful.

It’s ok to ask for help.

It’s ok to rest.

I see you.  You’re doing an amazing job.  I hope you feel appreciated today and every day.  

I hope you’ll pause and acknowledge all you do to care for others.

If you have a sibling or loved one who is providing most of the care, I hope you will thank and acknowledge them today.

I know they'll appreciate it.